Welkin in the Wizarding World

RATED NC-17 and R for many chapters. Please Leave This Site If You Are Under 18.
This story is Adult in nature, with explicit language and includes graphic depiction of adult sexual behavior
and some depiction of violence.

SafeSurf Rated Adults Only
Chapter 31
Welkin at The Hog’s Head

"Wells? What are you doing?"

Welkin looked up to see Severus standing in the doorway in his dressing gown, holding Sully in his arms.

"Good morning," she said smiling. "So, you’re calling me Wells now? That’s my brother’s nickname for me."

"It suits you - but it is too early to say good morning. It is only 5:45. What are you doing out of bed?"

"Just don’t call me Wells when we’re fucking," she requested. "That would be waaay too creepy and incestuous. I had another dream and woke up. I couldn’t go back to sleep so I got dressed and came out to the Potions Lab."

"Was the dream about Voldemort?" Snape asked her in a more serious tone.

"No, not this time," Welkin told him as she placed more of the dried plant she was crushing into her mortar. A large stoppered bottle of greenish powder was standing beside the mortar on the table. "It was about Dumbledore." Snape had walked over to stand beside her to observe what she was doing in the dim lighting.

"Dumbledore?" He took the pestle from her hand. "Tell me about it."

"Well…there really wasn’t that much to it. I was standing in a corner in one of the towers here at Hogwarts. I’m not sure but I think it might have been the Astronomy Tower. I could hear Albus and some other people. The other people were shouting at each other, but I couldn’t hear everything they were shouting. I looked up and saw a flash of light and then…I saw Albus falling."

She frowned at him. "It was disturbing. I couldn’t go back to sleep. Do you think that Albus is in some kind of danger? Should I tell him? I’m not used to telling people these things because they never usually believed me before. They just looked at me really funny, like I was crazy or something."

"Yes, you should tell him," Snape said thoughtfully. "The next time you see him," he added. "I do not think it is necessary to wake him."

Snape handed her pestle back and turned his attention to the dried plants on the table. "What is this that you are doing?"

"I’m crushing dried mistletoe with a few other things. When I have enough powder I’m going to make a drink from it. Mistletoe has so many healing properties that I thought - why wouldn’t it make the best health drink ever? We’ll never be sick again!"

"We?" Snape asked. "Do you intend for me to drink this concoction as well?"

"It’s all in the name of magical mad science Sevvy," Welkin grinned. "Don’t you want to be my guinea pig?"

"Not if it tastes as ghastly as I suspect that it will."

"It won’t. I’m going to flavor it with something palatable. Unlike that nasty concoction of Professor Sprout’s that you forced me to drink while I was pregnant. That slimy green stuff tasted like sewer water!"

"You are familiar with the taste of sewer water?" Snape teased.

"Oh yes. In one of my past lives I was Christine Daae and I lived in the sewers of Paris with The Phantom of the Opera. I just seem to have this mad fixation on men who like to live underground. Sewers…dungeons…the next one will probably be an underground cave dweller. Have you seen Phantom of the Opera?" Welkin suddenly changed direction in mid-stream of thought.

"No, I haven’t."

"We’ll have to go into London and see it sometime. I think you’d like it. It’s very romantic, and very tragic."

"I like my romance a little less tragic these days," Severus told her. "Do not be too long. When Sullivan awakens he will wish to be fed."

"Use the bottle. Didn’t you use the refilling charm?"

"I forgot. I was otherwise occupied last night if you recall."

"Oh…oh yes, I remember alright," Welkin grinned. "How could I forget? You fucked me until I couldn’t see straight - and then you flipped me over and fucked me some more. Maybe I should put some saltpeter in this stuff."

Snape frowned at her.

"Just kidding, oh Lord and Master."

"You no longer object to that designation?"

"Not as long as you know that I don’t really believe it," Welkin laughed. "Go ahead and get dressed. I’ll be just another ten minutes or so and then I’ll stop so we can go to breakfast together."

Snape kissed her on the cheek. "Ten minutes you said," he reminded her, knowing how she sometimes forgot the passage of time when she was engrossed in a project - much the same way that he did.

Health drink, he thought dismissively as he took Sullivan back to their bedchamber. Still, she was working very hard on it and it was wrong of him not to be supportive he realized. Welkin was nearly always supportive and encouraging of his projects.

Mistletoe was quite an appropriate choice for the base of the powder. Perhaps he could assist her with refining the mixture of other ingredients to be added. It might be a fine project for them to work on together. Collaboration with her in the Potions Lab might be very fulfilling. Lord knows his collaboration with her in their marital bed always was.

"Good morning Sullivan," Snape told his son as his dark little eyes popped open. "Your mother is a very complex woman. Are you aware of that?"

Sully smiled and cooed at him in agreement.


"Why did you receive this Owl from Narcissa Malfoy thanking you for your advice? What advice?" Snape asked suspiciously.

"Just some advice on how to handle Lucius. Nothing to concern yourself about. Apparently it worked out well for her. I thought that it might. Men are so predictable sometimes," Welkin said smugly.

"Welkin, you are not giving Narcissa sexual advice are you?" Snape asked disapprovingly.

"Now Sevvy, am I the type woman who would give unsolicited sexual advice to another woman I barely know? Would you mind moving out of the way? I can’t get to my jewelry box. What earrings should I wear to The Hog’s Head with this very conservative outfit," she asked, emphasizing the words very and conservative to him. She had promised not to dress revealingly if he would take her to The Hog’s Head for a drink on New Year’s Eve.

"Yes, you most certainly are. You are the type woman who might even feel inclined to demonstrate sexual techniques to an entire roomful of strange women."

"Is that your oblique way of calling me a slut, Severus Snape?" Welkin shoved past him, opened her jewelry box and selected a pair of silver dangle earrings that ended in crescent moon shaped pieces of moonstone. "If I’m a slut then what does that make you for choosing me for your wife?"

"I am not calling you a slut. Why would you think that?"

Welkin smiled to herself as she put in her earrings. "Face it; you’re just exhibiting that tired old double standard. It’s great for you if I’m a slut in your bed, but not if I express myself about sex freely in front of other people. Do you want to know something I’ve noticed about Wizarding World sexuality since I’ve been here?"

"I’m sure I’m going to hear it whether I answer yes or no," Snape said with a sigh, walking away to sit down in his favorite chair.

"Women have nearly complete equality here, which unfortunately is still not something that a lot of women in the Muggle world have yet. But a good number of them seem a bit sexually repressed. Except for that Huldra Helliwell bitch that is. I’d like to repress her ass plenty." Welkin paced back and forth like a tigress, waving her hands expressively as she argued her point.

"It’s like they’re sexual House Elves and just don’t know what it is to be free about expressing themselves sexually. Well let me tell you Severus, you’d better believe that if I have the opportunity to help free even one of them I’m not about to stand by and let them go through life just lying back and taking it like a dose of bad medicine. Sex should be enjoyed!"

"There is no need to belabor the point with me Welkin," Snape interjected when she paused for breath. "You are, as the Muggle saying goes, pontificating to the assembly," he told her, pleased with himself for referencing the phrase. He had been studying American Muggle linguistics and idioms lately and attempting to incorporate some of the more interesting phrasings into his speech.

"It’s preaching to the choir," she corrected, grinning at him. "I understood what you meant to say though." She walked over to him and stood regarding him with one hand on her hip. "Do you know what you are, Severus Snape?" she asked him seriously.

"Nooooo," he looked at her warily. "What am I?"

"You’re a slut lover. A great…big…sexy…slut lover underneath that buttoned up exterior of yours. Nobody except me would ever have expected it. I knew right away that you were of course, and I knew how badly you wanted to jump my bones too," she claimed smugly.

"Oh? What gave me away?" he asked archly.

"Other than that massive hard-on you kept trying to conceal from me at supper that first night? There was the sarcasm you directed at me. It was just so way out of proportion to the situation that I knew something was up - no pun intended. It was like you were fighting against your desire for me and you used those words to distract yourself and try to push me away. It’s a good thing I wasn’t taken in by that or we might never have gotten together." She shook her head at him in puzzlement. "I don’t know how in the world a man like you went so long without sex. Why in the world would you punish yourself like that?"

"I needed to have an object of desire worthy of my attention- someone I felt more than strictly carnal desire for. I do not care for indiscriminate sexual coupling. Controlling my urges was the only option given my personal preferences and my ungainly appearance," Snape said.

Welkin smoothed a strand of stray hair that had fallen across his face. "You’re a very rare and precious commodity as men go, do you know that?"

"Should I say no? That would not be truthful," he smiled.

Welkin smiled back. "How did we get off on this subject anyway? I’m ready to go to The Hog’s Head! Do I look conservative enough to you?" She was dressed very simply, in jeans and a sea-green cable-knit sweater.

"Your jean pants are a little snug, but the sweater is acceptable."

"Alrighty then. Sully’s in the North Tower with the nanny you hired for tonight. I don’t see why she couldn’t have stayed here with him; the other one did. The privacy issue I know, but aren’t you taking that to an extreme? I mean, if we trust her with our son, can’t we trust her in our quarters?"

"No, we cannot," Snape said tersely. "She would probably be rifling through all of our personal effects the entire time we were out. Allowing the first nanny access to our quarters was not my misguided idea."

"You’re paranoid."

"And you are entirely too trusting," he charged.

"You’re a slut lover."

"Ob-viously," he said, finally getting the last word.


The eyes of several rather scruffy and scurvy looking 'gentlemen' at the bar focused on Welkin the second they entered the door at The Hog’s Head Inn. Snape steered her to a table as far away from them as possible and played the gentleman himself, pulling out her seat for her after she took off her bomber jacket and hung it on the back of her chair.

"Boy, you weren’t kidding about this place. It’s a real dump," she told him. "Is that a goat over there chewing at the windowsill?" she laughed. "This is great." Welkin was grinning from ear to ear.

"What’ll ya have?" the waitress regarded them. "They’s a two drink min-mum luv," she added loudly.

"We are only here for one drink," Snape told her, drawing a blank bored stare from her.

"That’s okay," Welkin interrupted, we’ll have both of our drinks in one tall glass if you have it. "We’ll both have a double firewhiskey."

"I did not want two drinks," Snape said after the waitress left.

"They’s a two drink min-mum luv," Welkin parroted. "I don’t think we have a choice."

"What if I didn’t want firewhiskey?" Snape asked somewhat peevishly.

"I don’t think it would be wise to order anything but firewhiskey in here, unless we want to get our asses kicked. This looks like a pretty rough crowd," Welkin asserted. "I bet those guys over at that table are Death Eaters. They look like Death Eaters. They’re all dressed in black and have that slicked back hair and shit. Not a smile to be had at that table. Are those guys Death Eaters Severus?"

"Please stop saying Death Eaters so loudly Welkin," he hissed at her, ignoring her question. "This is even worse than I remember it," Snape agreed. "We should finish our drinks quickly and leave. I do not think you should be here."

"Oh relax. Just be friendly and mind your own business if a fight breaks out and people will leave us alone I hope. Severus, I would swear that that man behind the bar that the waitress was just giving our orders to looks like…"

"Albus Dumbledore?" he finished for her.

"Yes! I swear if he was cleaner and his hair was trimmed he’d look enough like him to be his brother!"

"He is his brother," Snape told her. "Aberforth Dumbledore, Albus’s younger brother, is the owner of this august establishment," Snape said snidely.

"He’s looking at us." Welkin lifted her hand and waved cheerfully at Aberforth.

"Welkin! Don’t do that. Do not attract attention to yourself in any way."

They were interrupted by the return of their waitress, bearing their drinks on a battered looking tray with several other people’s orders. "Ab-ferth sayes it’s on the house fer you’un Pro-fes-sor Snape. I put you’s drink in a clean glass 'cause I can sees you’s a lay-dee," she told Welkin.

"Thank you so much," Welkin told her, giving her an overly generous tip, "and please thank Mr. Dumbledore for us." The waitress smiled over her tip and Welkin noticed she was missing a few of her side teeth.

"I’s a lay-dee," Welkin leaned across the table and sneered at Snape when the waitress left again. "You’s glass is dirty but I’s got a clean glass," Welkin teased.

"This place is infested with vermin. I doubt very much if that glass is clean," Snape said wryly.

"That’s okay, the firewhiskey will act as a disinfectant," Welkin sniffed, taking a big gulp of her drink. "Oh baby, oh baby - I forgot how strong this stuff is!"

"Mamie would have loved this place," Welkin told Snape.


"My grandmother - the one who wrote the journal. She was kind of a renegade when she was younger. She liked places like this," Welkin repeated. "Which reminds me - did you take her journal out of Sully’s diaper bag and put it up for me someplace? I was going to read some of it the other day and I couldn’t find it in there where I put it."

"No. I did not. Are you sure it is missing?"

"Well, maybe I took it out and just don’t remember it. I was looking for it after the new nanny dropped off Sully the other day. It probably just slipped down in the side pocket and I didn’t notice it. I’ll look for it again tomorrow."

Welkin took another big gulp of her drink. "Oh look, they have a piano player," she said to Snape, pointing out the tall, thin gangly looking man who looked to be in his early 30’s.

The man put out a large tip jar on top of the piano, sat down at the keyboard and immediately began to play some popular Wizarding World standards, much to Snape’s surprise. That was certainly something new here. The only music Snape ever remembered hearing here before was the harsh cacophony of the occasional drunken duet of some of the customers deep into their cups after too much firewhiskey.

Snape stared at the piano player. Something looked vaguely familiar about the man. Eventually he gave up trying to decide where he might have seen him. He probably just had one of those nondescript faces that reminded one of somebody else.


Snape paid for the third round of drinks that Welkin insisted on having before they left. The second round had been singles instead of doubles, but Welkin seemed to be feeling the firewhiskey quite a lot already, having not bothered to eat anything before they left Hogwarts.

Welkin began rattling on about the time her grandmother had posed nude for an itinerate artist who came through their town one summer and stayed for awhile, until her grandfather, who was 'sparking' Mamie at the time, took him out drinking at the local watering hole and not so subtly told him his departure should be imminent, otherwise he was going to castrate him with a rusty butcher knife.

Snape winced when Welkin promised him a similar fate if he ever was unfaithful to her.

"I’m serious Sezerus…Seserus…Sev-e-rus," she repeated his name the third time more carefully, giggling when she got it right. "I’ll slice ‘em right off and put ‘em on a skewer - jus’ like a shiskabop! I’m not Narcissiettia Malfoy you know. I won’t put up with that bullshit like she does! ‘Cause I love you baby! I really, really, really do! I know you wouldn’t do me that way! Gimme a kiss!"

Welkin leaned over the table and grabbed him around the neck, locking her lips to his demandingly. The other clientele at the bar began to hoot and cheer. "Go get ‘im girly!" one of the older gents shouted.

"Welkin! Control yourself!" Snape admonished her, after breaking the vise-grip she had around his neck. "Get your jacket. We’re going home."

"Booooo….boooooo," somebody jeered, as Snape forced Welkin into her jacket while fending off her amorous advances. "What’sa matter buddy? Can’t ya handle her? Give her to me then. I know what she needs."

"Don’t you booooo my husband!" Welkin warned. "I’ll have you know that THIS MAN," she pointed dramatically to Snape, "can out-FUCK and out-FIGHT any man in here! And that goes for that whole damn table of FUCKING Death…" Snape clapped a hand over Welkin’s mouth to shut her up.

"Come along Welkin. We are leaving now," he told her evenly, after he removed his hand from her mouth.

"But Sev-e-rus," she said carefully, "I haven’t finished my drink." She started towards her chair to sit back down.

"Hey!" she shouted as Snape swooped her off her feet and threw her over his shoulder.

"Go get ‘er boy!" the same old gent at the bar shouted.

"They’s rooms upstairs if ya fancy ‘avin a go at yer lay-dee," their waitress told him helpfully as she was passing by with another full tray of drinks.

"Rooms? Are we going to fuck now?" Welkin asked as Snape made a hasty retreat out the door, nearly falling over the goat which had stationed itself near the entrance to nibble at the post-holiday greenery still partially attached to the inside of the front door.

When they were far enough away from The Hog’s Head, Severus found a bench and cleared it of snow before sitting down with Welkin in his lap. The midnight chimes went off and the Weasley twins’ fireworks display rocketed overhead at the same time.

"Happy New Year Sevvy," Welkin said, offering her lips for a kiss, obviously oblivious to all the commotion she’d just caused at the bar.

What was he to do with her? She was so troublesome at times, but he loved her to distraction. Snape sighed and gave her the kiss she expected. "Happy New Year Wells."


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